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Is your child stressed?-How to find out and what to do about it.
- Varsha Prasad
Editorial Team
There are many situations which cause stress in a child’s life. You may have gone through it, seen or heard worrisome stories. A fourth grader suddenly starts eating his hair; a middle school girl is picking fights, etc. Why do you think all these behavioural changes take place? All of these can be credited to stress.
With younger kids, signs of stress can be seen, when they start to withdraw from activities. Typically, the children will start staying indoors, find excuses to avoid school, or simply have a change of heart when it comes to their interests.
Dr. Joseph Shrand, a psychiatrist and instructor at Harvard Medical School says,"The core of stress is a belief that we will fail and be kicked out of our group, left to fend for ourselves in a world of sabre tooth tigers.”Indeed, though it may not appear that way to us, to the children, these factors do appear like a ferocious, dangerous animal. Though it can be intimidating, and you may feel like you are in unknown waters, there are quite a few things you can do for your child, when it comes to identifying and coping with stress.
Knowing where to lookAny major change you see could be a sign your child is stressed. Keeping an eye out for these signs can be overwhelming and you may often miss these signs, because they happen so gradually. But, the first step towards problem solving has to be problem recognition.
It has been observed that the warning sign that parents most often miss, is a change in the child-peer relationship, and this works in both extremes. A child being too involved with any single person, or a child completely isolating himself or herself, both could be signs that something is not quite right. Maybe the way your child talks about a person has changed, or the child suddenly stops talking about a person altogether. Friends do come and go, but in an age of cyber-bullying, monitoring our child's relationships can be vital to curbing stress before any damage is done. Take note of all and any such changes.
Signs to Look For
The director of Centerstone, Beth hail, a school-based therapy program in Tennessee, offers this list of common signs parents can keep in mind.
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Abnormal weight gain or loss
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Academic highs and lows
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Change in eating habits
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Change in sleeping patterns
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Alcohol and drug use
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Harming themselves
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Unwillingness to be alone
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Fear of specific places
What can you do as a parent?
The first step is to be empathetic towards your child. Often times we do not understand the underlying issue with the child and in frustration, or haste, may unnecessarily punish the child. If you are seeing behavioural changes in your child, show some empathy towards them and try to locate the cause. The next step is to consult with other adults. These could be your child’s teachers, or other parents that your child comes in contact with. Talk to your child's teachers to see if they notice the same behaviour change that you are seeing. Other parents can tell you if their children are going through something similar as well. For example, if you find out that half the sixth grade boys are behaving in a strange and similar way, it is probably an age-related change, or maybe a popular trend.
The best option is always to speak to your child directly. This may take a little coaxing, but be patient, foster a good communication with them, and keep checking in with them regularly.
Children tend to pull away from their parents, as they grow older. Many children simply don't know what's bothering them. What can you do when you have a silent kid?
"Be subtle about it," Beth suggests. Your child is more likely to open up if you are less direct, is her view. Watch TV shows and movies together and chat about issues that come up. These indirect methods are an effective way to find out what's going on in your child's life.
When to Request Help
If your child’s ability to function normally is being seriously impacted by these signs of stress, and nothing that you are trying to do is being of any help, you may need to consider professional help. How do you know, when to seek it? Common signs such as, dropping out of activities, gaining a lot of weight and withdrawing from friends, but of course, as every child is different, so are their symptoms.
Therapy can be a scary word and it isn't a quick fix.Waiting for months to see some sign of significant process can be incredibly frustrating, but it can make all the difference. Eventually, the child will have a set of strategies and mechanisms, which help him or her cope with any stress that comes up.
As you learn more about anxiety and stress, you'll be able to help your little one better. It may seem easier to just knock the kids’ heads together and make them see reason, but identifying the problem earlier, then nipping it in the bud, while doing so gently and subtly, will have a more positive long term impact on your child, as well as your family.
